Online Dating For Boomers and Gen Xers

See if you can relate to this. You’ve been out of the dating pool for many years. You were married, had kids, you had built a life. Maybe you feel like you got burned. The trauma of divorce is still fresh.You really didn’t think you would be back in the singles game again. The hands of time and experience have had their way with you. You’re not the young perky or strapping version of yourself anymore.

Now here you are. Facing the reality of a couple of choices. Stick with the sure thing. Netflix and chill with just yourself. Excepting the mind numbing company of nightly programming or step out of your comfort zone and reenter the game of love.

Man that’s freakin scary!

Have you seen this bod? Nobody is going to want to take a shot at this. Or maybe it’s “I had my time and that time has surely passed”

I can relate. I went through this thinking process 5 years ago after my marriage ended. I worked from home so my days were mostly solitary. I didn’t seem to be casually meeting anyone in my kitchen by the coffee maker. I know, weird huh! I kept trying to come up with a strategy for meeting single ladies. Now I was clear that hanging out in bars hoping to meet that special someone was a definite no go. I was never good at that when I was a young man. The 55 year old version probably would just be embarrassing.

The obvious answer. The dreaded dating sites.

I had heard so many horror stories and even watched some on Netflix but I was out of ideas.

So I put my researchers hat on and did some study on dating sites. Some of the estimates are that there are over 8,000 online dating sites out there. The Numbers of members is roughly 323 million looking for love (or maybe a good time).

Now I’m no believer that there is just one special someone for everyone. There’s a bunch of special someones out there and dammit I’m going to find her or hers!

Long story short, I have been on a ton of dates. From just boring to freak show to oh baby. As I write this, I have been in an amazing loving committed relationship for the last 2 years courtesy of an online dating connection.

Like most great things, I had to work for it. I’m sure there are many tales of people going on their first online date and hitting it out of the park. Here comes Cupid, role credits, this coupling is a success! In fact, my significant other was only on the dating sites for a couple of weeks before we met.

For everyone else. Strap in and try to enjoy the ride. If finding love is worth it to you, you will do what it takes and hang in there and don’t give up.

Here are a few of the hard earned lessons I learned along the way.

1. If you're not getting the response you want, realize your profile may be hurting more than helping. Make sure you have decent up to date pics. You’re not fooling anyone with a photoshopped pic. They are not going to be happy if they actually meet you and feel like your pics were false advertising. Also, don’t be afraid to try different pics and see if some get more attention than others. It’s really like an ad campaign for you that deserves to be tested for effectiveness. Make sure your copy is interesting, fun and engaging. Suck at writing? Ask for help. My ex actually helped me with my profile. Good thing no bridges were burned there.

2. Try and have an actual phone call or better yet a video call before you make a physical date. Man I Wish I had thought of this when I was a noobie because I could have dodged some craptastic dates. Also, that first in person date should be casual like coffee or a walk. This makes a quick escape not as difficult as opposed to sitting down for dinner and hoping there is a meteor strike that kills you quickly.

3. limit your baggage from your past relationship in your early conversations. This is a possible fresh start. Try and tame your inner Debbie Downer.

4. It's helpful to have an idea for what you're looking for in a mate as opposed to just someone with a pulse and that isn’t repulsive. We all have been around the block some if you're over 40. Maybe do adjust expectations a bit. Just like you, people get wrinkles, gray hair and maybe are not in the same shape they once were. I mean come on, are you?

5. Here is a big one. Put on your big boy or girl or they pants on. Rejection can happen fast and unexpectedly sometimes. You may think the conversation is going great and then poof, they are gone. Getting ghosted isn’t exactly a rare occurrence on dating sites. My point being is shrug it off and get back into the game. Taking things personal will get you nowhere. Try and look at it like a numbers game. That connection is out there and your job is to find them while dodging the land mines of incompatible and emotionally challenged people as much as possible. Know you are worth it and don’t accept bullshit that you know you don’t deserve. Let your past relationship mistakes inform you not guide you.

It can be daunting getting back into dating but in my opinion it’s totally worth the effort. Life is so much more rich with the right person by your side. There are no guarantees it will work out but then it’s not the destination but the adventures along the way. Remember, the sweetest fruit can sometimes be out on the skinny branches. Are you willing to risk the emotional fall?